Matt Fradd, an expert in protection from internet porn wrote an article several years ago about 6 Ways to Protect your Kids From Porn; it is still relevant today. Before Fradd's research, actress Jennifer Garner's example of absolutely no social media for her three children, even as teenagers, is worth noting. She has kept her children off social media without her teenagers resenting her. "I just said to my kids, ‘Show me the articles that prove that social media is good for teenagers, and then we’ll have the conversation,'" Garner said. "Find scientific evidence that matches what I have that says that it’s not good for teenagers, then we’ll chat." Garner, 50, shares daughters Violet, 17, and Seraphina, 13, and son Samuel, 11, with ex-husband Ben Affleck. In fact, Utah became the first state to require parental consent for minors to use social media. The laws require all social media companies to verify the age of any Utah resident who uses their site and mandates parental consent be obtained if the user is a minor. Numerous studies have found links between negative mental health effects in teens and an increase in social media use, including depression, anxiety and low self-esteem. (Today article)
Matt Fradd's article starts with a warning from the U.S Justice Department:
“Never before in the history of telecommunications media in the United States has so much indecent and obscene material been so easily accessible by so many minors in so many American homes with so few restrictions.” (written in 1996—before wireless broadband) A 2024 statistic reveals that pornography is estimated to be worth $97 billion globally, with the United States alone generating between $12 and 14 billion in annual revenue. (https://gitnux.org/) Fradd was once contacted by a prominent leader in the Church. He told him that his teenage son just confessed to him that he had been looking at porn regularly for the past year. The man said to me, “I talk to parents all the time about why it’s so necessary that they protect their children, that they get accountability and filtering software, but I never did.” Fradd explains that he hears this many times from people who should know better. Remember too that the internet can be an open door for human traffickers to gain access to your children so beware of contact with strangers. One key point before the 6 tips is to pray to God daily with your children for protection: Lord God, I pray for Your protection as my children begin this day. You are our hiding place, and under Your wings, we can always find refuge. Protect us from trouble wherever we go, and keep evil far from us. No matter where we are, we will look to You as our Protector, the One Who fights for us every day. Heavenly Father, may my child(ren) be safeguarded from evil, for you are with them. As I place my children in your mighty, loving hands, give me peace, knowing that you are right by their side. Please replace their fears with the strength and courage to face whatever the day brings. Mother Mary, shield them with your mantle; St. Joseph guide them in life. Amen. Then say a Hail Mary and Glory Be.
He offers five things that you need to start doing if you want to protect your children from porn:
1. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Educate yourself about the dangers of pornography. If you aren’t convinced that porn is harmful, you won’t be motivated to protect your family from it. Here are three free resources that can help. 1) A free ebook on up to date Pornography Statistic , 2) Bishop Loverde’s recent pastoral letter on pornography, Bought with a Price, and 3) a great article by Dr. Donal L. Hilton, Jr. on how porn affects the brain, Slave Master: How Pornography Drugs and Changes Your Brain.
2. TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT PORN
Talk to your children about pornography. One former pornographer, Martin Daubney, after having researched how pornography affects the minds and lives of children, wrote this:
“Like many parents, I fear that my boy’s childhood could be taken away by pornography.
So we have to fight back. We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn.
We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust. By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves.”
One way you can learn how to talk to your children, in an age-appropriate way, about the dangers of pornography is by getting the book, Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids.
3. PUT PROTECTIONS IN PLACE
You need to put all the proper protections in place. You need to use technology to your advantage to block access to pornographic images. There are places online children (or anyone for that matter) have no business going to, and there are technological ways to prevent children from accidentally or purposely finding these places.
When I meet parents and speak to them about the destructive nature of pornography, I never ask them if they have internet filtering and accountability software on their computers, phones, and tablets. I ask them what internet filtering and accountability software they use. In other words, it’s if you want to protect your kids from porn, filtering and accountability is not an option, it’s a necessity.
4. KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEY GO ONLINE
Parents need to access accurate information about what your kids are already doing online. You need to be monitoring all the places your kids go online, all the choices they’re making. This is what distinguishes accountability software from filtering. Filtering blocks the bad stuff but it doesn’t tell you where your kids went online, or what they searched for. Accountability software does.
5. A REGULAR REMINDER TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS
It’s not enough to know that you should talk to your kids about pornography, or even how you should do it. You need a regular reminder to do so. A kid’s time on a computer tends to be out-of-sight-out-of-mind for most parents. It’s easy to let weeks or months go by without a single conversation about what kids are doing online. So we need to have a built-in reminder because it is so easy to forget.
Steps 2-5 can be accomplished by downloading Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes has a great filter but its claim to fame is that it invented accountability software.
What is accountability software? Here’s how it works: Once you sign up to Covenant Eyes, it asks you to enter the email(s) of an accountability partner. Since you’re installing this for your children, you would be the accountability partner. You may then choose to receive a complied report once a day, once a week, once a month; you decide. From that point on, if your children visit any websites they shouldn’t, you’ll know about it. Learn more by watching this short video:
6. SPEAK TO OTHER PARENTS
Finally, would you ever allow your kids to play at a friend's house whose Dad kept piles of porn about the place? Of course not. And yet if the parents of your child’s friend do not have the proper protections in place on their own computer, game consoles, phones, etc. then there’s a strong chance your child will be exposed to pornography. I personally will not allow my child to play at friend's house who does not have good filtering on all devices.
Edited from a 2014 article on http://mattfradd.com/
1. EDUCATE YOURSELF
Educate yourself about the dangers of pornography. If you aren’t convinced that porn is harmful, you won’t be motivated to protect your family from it. Here are three free resources that can help. 1) A free ebook on up to date Pornography Statistic , 2) Bishop Loverde’s recent pastoral letter on pornography, Bought with a Price, and 3) a great article by Dr. Donal L. Hilton, Jr. on how porn affects the brain, Slave Master: How Pornography Drugs and Changes Your Brain.
2. TALK TO YOUR KIDS ABOUT PORN
Talk to your children about pornography. One former pornographer, Martin Daubney, after having researched how pornography affects the minds and lives of children, wrote this:
“Like many parents, I fear that my boy’s childhood could be taken away by pornography.
So we have to fight back. We need to get tech-savvy, and as toe-curling as it seems, we are the first generation that will have to talk to our children about porn.
We have to tell our kids that pornographic sex is fake and real sex is about love, not lust. By talking to them, they stand a chance. If we stick our head in the sand, we are fooling only ourselves.”
One way you can learn how to talk to your children, in an age-appropriate way, about the dangers of pornography is by getting the book, Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids.
3. PUT PROTECTIONS IN PLACE
You need to put all the proper protections in place. You need to use technology to your advantage to block access to pornographic images. There are places online children (or anyone for that matter) have no business going to, and there are technological ways to prevent children from accidentally or purposely finding these places.
When I meet parents and speak to them about the destructive nature of pornography, I never ask them if they have internet filtering and accountability software on their computers, phones, and tablets. I ask them what internet filtering and accountability software they use. In other words, it’s if you want to protect your kids from porn, filtering and accountability is not an option, it’s a necessity.
4. KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEY GO ONLINE
Parents need to access accurate information about what your kids are already doing online. You need to be monitoring all the places your kids go online, all the choices they’re making. This is what distinguishes accountability software from filtering. Filtering blocks the bad stuff but it doesn’t tell you where your kids went online, or what they searched for. Accountability software does.
5. A REGULAR REMINDER TO TALK TO YOUR KIDS
It’s not enough to know that you should talk to your kids about pornography, or even how you should do it. You need a regular reminder to do so. A kid’s time on a computer tends to be out-of-sight-out-of-mind for most parents. It’s easy to let weeks or months go by without a single conversation about what kids are doing online. So we need to have a built-in reminder because it is so easy to forget.
Steps 2-5 can be accomplished by downloading Covenant Eyes. Covenant Eyes has a great filter but its claim to fame is that it invented accountability software.
What is accountability software? Here’s how it works: Once you sign up to Covenant Eyes, it asks you to enter the email(s) of an accountability partner. Since you’re installing this for your children, you would be the accountability partner. You may then choose to receive a complied report once a day, once a week, once a month; you decide. From that point on, if your children visit any websites they shouldn’t, you’ll know about it. Learn more by watching this short video:
6. SPEAK TO OTHER PARENTS
Finally, would you ever allow your kids to play at a friend's house whose Dad kept piles of porn about the place? Of course not. And yet if the parents of your child’s friend do not have the proper protections in place on their own computer, game consoles, phones, etc. then there’s a strong chance your child will be exposed to pornography. I personally will not allow my child to play at friend's house who does not have good filtering on all devices.
Edited from a 2014 article on http://mattfradd.com/
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