Catholic Communications, Sydney Archdiocese,
10 May 2013
10 May 2013
Foster carer and mother of two Liz Williams
Meet Liz Williams, mother of two and foster mother to many more. For the past seven years, Liz and her family have given children a home away from home. Those they have cared for have included three brothers, several toddlers and babies, sisters aged seven and five and for almost two years, a lively, determined 11 year-old.
Liz is one of around 80 families who are trained and registered with CatholicCare and are on call and ready to step in to give comfort, security, stability and affection to children in need.
CatholicCare foster care families volunteer to take in babies or children with some specialising in emergency care, respite or longer term care which in some cases can mean periods of three or more years.
In each case, the priority for CatholicCare and its carers is for the child to be reunited with their own family or, if this is not possible, to be placed with a loving "second family" in long-term permanent care.
When talking about foster carers many people think in terms of foster mothers, but Liz is quick to point out that fostering is a family affair. To bring a child or children into the home, whether this is for just a weekend or for several months or more, will affect and have an impact on each member of the family.
"The entire family must be on-side and want to do this because everyone of them will be involved," she says, explaining that giving children in need out of home care is not something she could have taken on without the support, help and input from her husband, Paul McGahen and her now adult children, Adrian 25 and Jill 23 .
"Children who stay with us naturally gravitate towards my own kids, following them around, talking and playing with them. As parents, Paul and I are the authority figures but to the children, my kids are their friends."
Today when some of the children Liz and her family have cared for find a permanent placement, or are able to be reunited with their family or a kinship carer, the youngsters will sometimes keep in touch with Adrian and Jill via Facebook to ask advice or simply share their news and what is happening in their lives.
"When my son Adrian was still a typical fairly self-absorbed teenage boy, he told me that fostering was 'the one of the best things we've ever done,'" Liz says.
Liz Williams and her family
The experience of caring for children who need out of home care, some of whom may arrive troubled and traumatised from a domestic violence situation or as sometimes happens been burdened with the care of a vulnerable parent themselves, has helped give Adrian and Jill a sense of what is important in life, and the values and priorities to be treasured.
The experience has also taught them both the many small ways we can make a very real and positive difference in the lives of others, Liz says.
"Jill has always been wonderful with the children we have taken in. She plays with them, talks to them, listens and is my right hand and I am thrilled at her recent decision not to go ahead with a career in human resources despite having obtained a degree in the field. Instead she has decided to return to uni and become a teacher."
For many years, Liz was a full-time secondary school teacher in English and History and continues to work part time. But she keeps her commitment to teaching as flexible as possible so she is free to answer CatholicCare's call and take in a child who needs out of home care.
These days Liz also steps in as one of CatholicCare's trainers sharing her experiences, counsel and advice with would-be foster families. Surprisingly though, the decision to become a foster carer herself was more by accident than design.
"I was at one of my son's school's Parent and Friends meetings where Marisa Donato was speaking," she says.
A dedicated member of CatholicCare's foster care program, Marisa and her family have provided emergency and short term care to countless babies and young children for more than 11 years.
"I had never thought about becoming a foster carer," Liz admits. "But as I listened to Marisa I realised I not only had the time, a house that had the space to take in one or more children and that after my years as a teacher as well as raising my two kids, I had the ability."
Since then Liz and her family have opened their hearts and their home to children in need.
Children fostered by CatholicCare and their accredited carers are sometimes referred by community groups or are self-referrals with the majority coming from the NSW Department of Children's Services. While not all these children are from troubled backgrounds with some simply needing respite care, or care while a parent is ill or in hospital, most come from families in crisis where a parent or parents because of drugs, alcohol or mental problems is unable to take care of them.
Foster care can be rewarding and make a positive difference to a young life
"This does not mean the child is unloved or comes from an unloving environment and in almost all the cases, despite the problems, the parents love their children very much and the children love them in return," Liz says and emphasises the importance of acknowledging the birth parents and the hope that eventually the children can be reunited with them.
"Love is important but as a foster carer you also need tough love," she says. "Whatever the child may have been through it is important they take responsibility for their actions and know early on what is appropriate and acceptable behaviour and what isn't. You have got to be tough and lay down these parameters and like your own children, they will rail against them and test the boundaries. But once they learn about give and take and see how you will go the extra mile for them, they will start to respond similarly".
After seven years as a foster carer, Liz says none of the challenges she has faced with the children she has cared for have been any more difficult than the challenges she faced with her own kids when they were growing up.
"Due to what some of the children may have been through, some of the challenges may arise at older or unexpected ages. But that is the only difference," she says pointing out that parenting your own children or someone else's is always going to have rocky patches as well as moments of great joy.
And for Liz when it comes to foster care, it is her love of children and her delight in a child's sense of wonder, excitement and promise that is her reward.
"Children are life-affirming," she says simply.
To become a foster family and to learn more about CatholicCare's programs call (02) 8709 9333 or log on towww.fosterkids.com.au
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